Toxins

I’m just not clean right now.

Hung over from the last five days … the 5 day social session that is conference. There’s no unhealthier thing than the drinking/not sleeping/shit-show that conference is. The time with the friends, the laughing, the meeting of new friends and the expansion of the circle is worth it. It’s the only thing that makes it worthwhile. I guess it's one of the only ways to bare it. It’s such political bureaucratic crap that there are few methods to make it able to swollow.

It was different for me this time, though. Knowing that I’m leaving. Knowing that I just don’t care the way I once did. When things started to get bad, when I started playing the mind games, I emotionally bailed out and reminded myself of my reality and I was better. It worked for me. That and I feel as if I successfully avoided the silly boy-hooking up trap that conference can often becomes. I went home with my amazing friends and distributed huge hugs to all of them before falling in to bed all three nights, and it was wonderful. No stupid boys. No stupid boy games.

Apparently I’m not going to Russia anymore. After meeting and spending time with my new team… learning a little about the business with the new managers… after all that, I was told yesterday evening at our last social event that I actually wouldn’t be going to Europe. That I would most likely be staying in the US somewhere. Destination unknown. Manager unknown. Visa in hand and just starting to get excited, it all changes. Crap. Crappy. Crappiness. Typical.

BUT there are upsides… I’ll be closer to Love. I can come home to him and see him more often and continue to work on healing that relationship. I can see my family more often and not miss it when my Nephew starts to talk (like I missed the first steps). I can get more hours of daylight. I can have a proper spring. I can go to New Mexico as planned. I still have the Russia Visa and may take advantage of that situation anyway… trans-Siberian Railroad? AND I can work on the post-corporate America transition. I can be present for that if anything comes up in LA.

Everything happens for a reason, right? Ha.