What I shouldn’t be:
Frustrated
Confused about love and relationships
Feeling neglected
Scared about the future
Self-pitying
Missing
Settling
What I should be:
Thrilled- I’m in MOSCOW for WORK and I don’t pay a dime for ANYTHING
Living in this moment
Taking it all for what it’s worth
Staying focused on what is positive right now
Smiling
The sun came out in Moscow this week. It’s been sunny for the last two days and today it will be a high in the low 60s! The rest of my team has gone to St. Petersburg, but I’ll stay here and go to the Red Square and the Kremlin today. I’ll go explore. Work first, then workout then exploration. I’m anxious for it. It will also be my first time adventuring out in to the city without an escort… as in, someone from my team that can speak the language. It should be interesting. And yes, I promise to be careful and be home before dark so I’m safe, for anyone that’s worried about that.
I think about the “significant other” piece too much, I worry about it- or have been last night and this morning. For someone who is often referenced as an independent girl, my mind is drawn to notion of thinking about someone else and caring for someone else all the time. It’s like I have to have it. Like a drug. I break now. Withdraw may be an issue, but I need to clear my head of my own mental dependency on boys. On relationships. I still miss Love. When I take calm downtime, it makes my heart ache. I try to fill the achy hole with thoughts of others, but it always rises back up to the surface. This is a break I know we need to make for both of our happiness’ sake, but this too, is hard. The hardest of the breaks. The heroine of my drug dependency. The most addictive.
Yesterday when I got off the subway commute and started walking through my hotel, I stumbled across a little farmer’s market in the street on the way home- it’s the same street I always take home but it was filled with bright colored fruits and soaps and baked goods. It was beautiful and made me realize that the overlap in cultures is not so far apart… it was like I had stumbled on to a weekend farmers market in Manhattan… the ones I used to find all the time when I lived there. Bustling and brightly colored just the same.
Maybe I’m not so far from home. Maybe it’s always just about making your home wherever you are. Is that possible?
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1 comment:
Hello Dear! It has being ages that I don't read your blog, but besides the different places you've been, you are pretty much the same person on your essence... which is very good to you.
What is interesting is that your questions are still the same and the "Love" person is still on your thoughts ... this should mean something to you ...
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter where we are, our feelings are with us anywhere we go (anger, happiness, sadness ...)
So, don't think too much, just push yourself to live what life is offering you, at times, the destiny is trying to tell you something but you don't hear, because you maybe tooo focused on your own inner-voice!!!
Un besazo,
Ádrili
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