There are a couple of times in my very short life when I've stepped back and said, "OK, self. This is it. Take a step back, breathe, and start again. Shit's gotten away from you. Life's out of control. Erase, clean slate, and start again." This is so very much one of those times, but then not one of those times at all. I say that because every time I've done this self-evaluation, instead of cleaning up and starting again. I've just run away. I'm famous for it. Life gets tough with curve balls flying at my head, and I'm out. Well, not this time. This time I stay and stick it out. I suck it up, finish what I started and make good of it… at least until it’s done and I can start again. The right way.
As a little frame of reference to what I’m taking about, let me explain a bit. I’m currently on the Internal Corporate Audit staff for a very large corporation. I’m just about to complete my first year in this role and it’s been an insane roller coaster of a ride… to say the very least. I’ve lived in Danbury, CT, Cincinnati, OH, Atlanta, GA, Jacksonville, FL, Madrid & Barcelona, Spain, London, Athens, Greece and Freiburg, Germany. I’ve seen three different kinds of businesses ranging from Gas Turbine repair shops to a large scale leasing business. I’ve started to learn finance (which I had NO frame of reference for prior to this role). I’ve worked with operational folks, commercial folks, and stuffy finance peeps (I can say that because I AM one now). Learning and being challenged, is not something I’m lacking. I have that in excess. Happiness, is what I’m without. Why, you may ask? I mean, I’m the happy auditor. I’m the smily happy one. But not without a life. Not without working with people I enjoy being around and admire. Not without decent management. And as a the extrovert my mother claims be to be (in excess), not without a team at all.
I could launch in to details, but complaining is most certainly not the point of writing this blog. What is the point, you ask? I hope that writing here will provide me with three things:
1) Time for reflection… with the insane work and travel schedule I so rarely have time to stop and digest and think and write about the NON-work stuff. I need to remember there are thoughts and life and people outside of this audit staff. I need to reflect on experiences… good and bad that bring me back to the real stuff. Earth life. PEOPLE.
2) A place to get it all out. SORT THROUGH THE THOUGHTS! And document them so I can look back years from now and read about what I did, where I went, what I felt, and learned… a cyber journal, as it were.
3) I’m going to share this website with a select few. The people I choose to share this site with, I hope will read and stay with me. With this job I don’t’ have as much time to stay in touch with the people I love and gain their oh so valuable insight about what I do and where I go. I hope all of you will read this and tell me your thoughts. Or pray for me… whatever suits you. But most importantly, I hope to keep you with me. In spirit.
Now because of this, let me lay out a disclaimer. Honesty, is one of my new life policies. Honesty no matter what. Because the lies only kick someone’s butt in some way or another down the line. It always catches up to you. I refuse to be caught… and the best way to do that is not even join the race. Because of this, some things may be hard for some people to read (ie parents, family, and special love of your life types (you know who you are)). So please read with this advisement in mind. Nothing will be sugar coated. That is my vow to myself and ya’ll.
Now all this being said, please read away and enjoy! Let the journey begin…
5 comments:
Girly LA Auditor...perfect name. I'm proud of your decision and I am psyched to read about your adventures. That said it would not be me if I didn't remind you that although you're only sending this to a few people be careful of what you say about work. Who knows what "the man" can figure out. I love you and I'm so excited for you. (Also because it's early and I can't choose an identity I'll go anonymous, but it's me Hal.) Love you Honey.
Bebe, I too am so proud of you! Thank you for having the courage to look into yourself and share yourself with your community of loves. There is no better way to heal and grow than to be honest, as you are doing~ what joy! And P.S. welcome to bloglandia!
So excited and proud! I can't wait to read about you. Miss you so much. Love
I agree with Anonymous Hal, great name filled with exciting images, particularly Auditor!
Thank you for including me E, one of many privileges of your friendship. I'm not sure I can handle more pictures of your travels though. I mean that picture of Athens is like a mirror image of the view from my apartment in Cambridge.
C
Hi Sweety!!! Finally I went through all your writing here and as “The Slave Driver” I am I can surely tell who you were before and who you are now.
A few things make me happy: You are making your own decisions regarding your private life … I’m happy you are back to your LOVE (I could not figure out who he is … but I hope I don’t know him … I really do) … and happy you are having more ground on your real life (I mean, the one you left in LA coz now you live on a bobble that is made … this is not the real world … ALWAYS REMEMBER IT).
Few things are making me worried: Future – you are worried about you changing coz of this little hell your work (my ex-work) can make us live into and turn you on a worse person – now, after 4 months out of this terrible place (it was to me) … I can tell you that I’ve learnt A LOT … but lost A TONE … you always told me: Everything happens for a reason … apply this to you too!!! If you are in Staff is coz you had to be there …
Worries the fact you think you wont get a good job if you leave now … YOU CAN GET A GOOD JOB … it is up to your network. Leaving staff on the proper period does not grant you with a good job … but your CV and network are the things that will do it for you …
Now, my experience (you know it) showed me that I lost the love of my life on my 2nd year in staff … and after being on his country and talked to him, I can tell you I lost him ;’( … but staff showed me how much my family worth … pushed me to be a better person after it, pushed me to love even more, to be more attemptive to life … it changed me as I discovered myself on an extreme situation.
So, my dear friend (and ex-pilot J) … trace your path without thinking on the future, but based on your present … where is your mind? Where are your ideals? Where do you fell that you will discover yourself? … do you need to be away for it? If so, how can you get the best of it?
Bitter – yes, life in staff is bitter for lucky people like us, that are full of friends, have a beautiful family and have as much energy for happiness as we have … but ask yourself why you first come to staff … there you will start find your answers…
Um beijo grande!!!!
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